I have always hated waiting for things. I was the kid that got up at 4 am on Christmas. I was the teenager that went to the teacher after the test and asked her to grade mine first. I am the adult who would rather go hungry than sit in a long drive-thru line at Taco Bell.
So, waiting for my precious daughter to be born is hard enough (of course, I don't want her coming early!!), but now I am waiting to hear from University of Maryland regarding my graduate application...and I think that's going to break me.
I know they're looking at my application, because it's closed and I am not allowed to submit anything else. So, what's taking so long, already???!?!? I submitted all my materials back in July! I finished my GRE's, got all my letters of recommendation, wrote my dumb "I want to go to College Park because..." essay...and then was informed that I had to wait until the deadline for applications had passed before they looked at mine. When is that, I asked innocently. December 17th, she said. I nearly dropped the phone! Six months! I have to wait six months?!?
So, then we got pregnant, and it seemed ok to wait, because I've had other things on my mind! But now that the deadline has passed, I am just dying to know what the result is. I cannot wait to hear, especially because then I can get my student loans, man! I want my monies.
Ack.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Worries
I never realized how much worry you could have for someone you've never met.
We've had a rollercoaster of a month. On December 10th, during a normal OB visit to our midwife, she thought she felt my cervix opening. She put me on bedrest and scheduled me for an internal ultrasound to look at my cervix. We went home thinking we were going to lose our precious girl at only 21 weeks. We laid in bed and cried all night. Our whole world had come crashing down.
The next morning, we went to the high risk center at our hospital, where I got both an external and an internal ultrasound. The technician measured our girl and my amniotic fluid, which were both perfect. She then checked my cervix...and actually used the word "gorgeous" tot describe it. Dan and I thought that was pretty funny, after we were finished hugging her and crying with joy! She said everything was fine, and she wasn't sure what our midwife thought she felt.
Hmmm....so this, while joyful and glorious news, put us into a semi-permanent state of disbelieving everything that medical personnel tells us. We were very irritated with our midwife, and I questioned her about why she thought my cervix was open. It turns out that my cervix, like the rest of me, is a little quirky, and it actually is open at the bottom, which is highly unusual for someone who's never given birth before. Of course, it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem, and obviously, everything else is fine.
I am having another ultrasound on January 4th to make sure nothing has changed. I think I'll feel better after we have that. I have been taking it really easy, and trying to not stress myself.
Then, after weeks of major activity from the girl, she slowed down a lot a couple days ago. I barely felt her moving for a whole day, after weeks of being kicked to death at regular intervals. Of course, with my nerves already raw from the cervix thing...I spent an hour yesterday morning crying my eyes out and apologizing to D for being crazy, and trying to decide if we should go to the emergency room. Finally, it was decided I would go to work, call the midwife, and if she thought we should go in to the hospital to get checked, then we would. I called her, and she assured me that everything was ok, and at this stage of the pregnancy, it's normal to feel a lot of movement one day and none the next. My girl is small enough that she has plenty of room in there to change position and be somewhere where I can't feel her.
I still spent yesterday worrying and waiting to feel her again...which I did eventually, the little stinker. We also finally got the fetal doppler I have been waiting for, and last night, we heard her perfect 146 bpm heartbeat. That was music to my ears. I laid on the sofa for a good twenty minutes, following her around with the doppler and listening to her gorgeous heart beating in there. Very reassuring.
I am still shocked by how much I love someone I have never met. How the feel of her moving in my stomach fills my heart. How the sight of her ultrasound pictures makes me so proud of my little girl. She's already the most important person in my life, and she weighs less than two pounds!
Anyway, Happy Holidays! D and I already have the best gift we could ever get - a healthy little girl. We can't open our gift until April...but I am happy to wait. : )
We've had a rollercoaster of a month. On December 10th, during a normal OB visit to our midwife, she thought she felt my cervix opening. She put me on bedrest and scheduled me for an internal ultrasound to look at my cervix. We went home thinking we were going to lose our precious girl at only 21 weeks. We laid in bed and cried all night. Our whole world had come crashing down.
The next morning, we went to the high risk center at our hospital, where I got both an external and an internal ultrasound. The technician measured our girl and my amniotic fluid, which were both perfect. She then checked my cervix...and actually used the word "gorgeous" tot describe it. Dan and I thought that was pretty funny, after we were finished hugging her and crying with joy! She said everything was fine, and she wasn't sure what our midwife thought she felt.
Hmmm....so this, while joyful and glorious news, put us into a semi-permanent state of disbelieving everything that medical personnel tells us. We were very irritated with our midwife, and I questioned her about why she thought my cervix was open. It turns out that my cervix, like the rest of me, is a little quirky, and it actually is open at the bottom, which is highly unusual for someone who's never given birth before. Of course, it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem, and obviously, everything else is fine.
I am having another ultrasound on January 4th to make sure nothing has changed. I think I'll feel better after we have that. I have been taking it really easy, and trying to not stress myself.
Then, after weeks of major activity from the girl, she slowed down a lot a couple days ago. I barely felt her moving for a whole day, after weeks of being kicked to death at regular intervals. Of course, with my nerves already raw from the cervix thing...I spent an hour yesterday morning crying my eyes out and apologizing to D for being crazy, and trying to decide if we should go to the emergency room. Finally, it was decided I would go to work, call the midwife, and if she thought we should go in to the hospital to get checked, then we would. I called her, and she assured me that everything was ok, and at this stage of the pregnancy, it's normal to feel a lot of movement one day and none the next. My girl is small enough that she has plenty of room in there to change position and be somewhere where I can't feel her.
I still spent yesterday worrying and waiting to feel her again...which I did eventually, the little stinker. We also finally got the fetal doppler I have been waiting for, and last night, we heard her perfect 146 bpm heartbeat. That was music to my ears. I laid on the sofa for a good twenty minutes, following her around with the doppler and listening to her gorgeous heart beating in there. Very reassuring.
I am still shocked by how much I love someone I have never met. How the feel of her moving in my stomach fills my heart. How the sight of her ultrasound pictures makes me so proud of my little girl. She's already the most important person in my life, and she weighs less than two pounds!
Anyway, Happy Holidays! D and I already have the best gift we could ever get - a healthy little girl. We can't open our gift until April...but I am happy to wait. : )
Monday, December 10, 2007
IT'S A GIRL!!!!
I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted. It's been busy, I guess...
So, it's a girl! She was id'd as such by the meanest ultrasound tech on the planet last Wednesday. Seeing her was amazing. The minute Miss Meanie (I will elaborate later) put the ultrasound thing to my belly, we saw her face. It was the most incredible moment of my life. There was no other moment, not even my wedding, where time just stopped. I could have looked at her face forever.
She's a squirmy little bugger - she was rolling all over the place, sucking her thumb, kicking and punching me. It was so reassuring to see all that movement.
However, I have to say that Miss Meanie did not make the experience more enjoyable. She jabbed the ultrasound device into my stomach so hard that I had bruises, and she barked out the baby's body parts like a drill sargeant. "Arm! Leg! Girl!" She was uber unpleasant, and when I called the center the next day to ask about the bruising...they basically told me that because I have a "thick abdominal wall", she had to push really hard. Basically - "You're fat, so it's your fault we bruised you." Nice. Really nice.
All that aside, however, it was still incredible to see my baby for the first time, and to know that she's a girl...we went right out a got some gender-specific stuff, just because we could!
It also makes her much more real. We can call her by her name, I can envision the little person who's rumbling around in there, and I can picture my little girl now...not some weird genderless child! It's pretty awesome.
We've also hit the halfway point. We have fewer weeks ahead than we do behind, and I am so excited about finally seeing her little face in person. Of course, I want her to stay in there until she's all baked. No early arrivals, please. But it's going to be a long 19 weeks.
So, it's a girl! She was id'd as such by the meanest ultrasound tech on the planet last Wednesday. Seeing her was amazing. The minute Miss Meanie (I will elaborate later) put the ultrasound thing to my belly, we saw her face. It was the most incredible moment of my life. There was no other moment, not even my wedding, where time just stopped. I could have looked at her face forever.
She's a squirmy little bugger - she was rolling all over the place, sucking her thumb, kicking and punching me. It was so reassuring to see all that movement.
However, I have to say that Miss Meanie did not make the experience more enjoyable. She jabbed the ultrasound device into my stomach so hard that I had bruises, and she barked out the baby's body parts like a drill sargeant. "Arm! Leg! Girl!" She was uber unpleasant, and when I called the center the next day to ask about the bruising...they basically told me that because I have a "thick abdominal wall", she had to push really hard. Basically - "You're fat, so it's your fault we bruised you." Nice. Really nice.
All that aside, however, it was still incredible to see my baby for the first time, and to know that she's a girl...we went right out a got some gender-specific stuff, just because we could!
It also makes her much more real. We can call her by her name, I can envision the little person who's rumbling around in there, and I can picture my little girl now...not some weird genderless child! It's pretty awesome.
We've also hit the halfway point. We have fewer weeks ahead than we do behind, and I am so excited about finally seeing her little face in person. Of course, I want her to stay in there until she's all baked. No early arrivals, please. But it's going to be a long 19 weeks.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Ok, I don't know where Blair and Joe came from...
Yeah, so...not real sure what's going on with the sidebar, there...but I can't seem to delete the shit, no matter what I do. Anyone who reads this and might know how to get rid of that - HELP!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Weddings, Sonograms, and Elections
Sorry It's been so long since I've written. D and I were in a wedding this weekend for our best friends and it sort of took over our lives for a week! It was a nice wedding, though. Lots of crying and food and dancing, all the good stuff about weddings.
Unfortunately, I don't think that weddings are good places for pregnant people! After a few hours on my feet, my ankles were cankles, my legs were swollen so bad that my skin felt stretched, and I was so tired that I couldn't even join in the dancing! Add in the fact that I couldn't smoke or drink, and while I was so happy to be there and be a part of it for my dear friends, it wasn't easy. I have to say that I looked pretty great in my bridesmaid dress, after my mom had to adjust it for belly and boobs by letting it out about 4 inches! Most people said I didn't even look pregnant in it!
We also had our 16 week checkup at the OB yesterday. We heard Baby's heart beating strong and loud, and it really sounds like a heartbeat now, not just a swooshing noise. I think I've become addicted to hearing that sound. It reassures me and helps me worry less until the next OB appointment. It's also just so thrilling to hear that noise and think that the baby is growing and changing everyday, right in my belly. While I'm standing in line at Starbucks, the baby is growing. While I'm doing laundry, the baby is growing. While I'm dropping S off at school, the baby is growing. It's really neat to think about.
We scheduled our first sonogram for December 5th. I cannot wait to see the little bugger! November is going to drag, because I am just going to be waiting for that appointment! I just need to see arms and legs and organs in the right places and know that Baby is normal and healthy...I also hope to see boy parts or girl parts, but if we can't see that, I won't be heartbroken...just as long as I see a healthy nugget.
Must take S to school, have a lovely election day!
Unfortunately, I don't think that weddings are good places for pregnant people! After a few hours on my feet, my ankles were cankles, my legs were swollen so bad that my skin felt stretched, and I was so tired that I couldn't even join in the dancing! Add in the fact that I couldn't smoke or drink, and while I was so happy to be there and be a part of it for my dear friends, it wasn't easy. I have to say that I looked pretty great in my bridesmaid dress, after my mom had to adjust it for belly and boobs by letting it out about 4 inches! Most people said I didn't even look pregnant in it!
We also had our 16 week checkup at the OB yesterday. We heard Baby's heart beating strong and loud, and it really sounds like a heartbeat now, not just a swooshing noise. I think I've become addicted to hearing that sound. It reassures me and helps me worry less until the next OB appointment. It's also just so thrilling to hear that noise and think that the baby is growing and changing everyday, right in my belly. While I'm standing in line at Starbucks, the baby is growing. While I'm doing laundry, the baby is growing. While I'm dropping S off at school, the baby is growing. It's really neat to think about.
We scheduled our first sonogram for December 5th. I cannot wait to see the little bugger! November is going to drag, because I am just going to be waiting for that appointment! I just need to see arms and legs and organs in the right places and know that Baby is normal and healthy...I also hope to see boy parts or girl parts, but if we can't see that, I won't be heartbroken...just as long as I see a healthy nugget.
Must take S to school, have a lovely election day!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween!!!
Years ago, I used to be very Wiccan - burying apples in the backyard to feed my dead loved ones, saying prayers, baking pumpkin bread...celebrating Halloween and the ancient pagan new year simultaneously. Somewhere along the line, I lost that witchy part of myself in the process of finishing college, getting married, and trying to keep our heads above water. I miss it.
There has always been something so magical about Autumn to me. I really do feel like there is wonder in the air, and magic is possible. This feeling always carries through into the Christmas season, which is my favorite time of year.
I hope Baby will love fall as much as her/his dad and I do, and maybe we can bring back the witchy traditions. We can dress up in costume and say earth prayers in the yard. : )
Anyway, Happy Halloween! I hope everyone has a safe and fun evening! I might be in my yard, burying an apple and waiting for the Great Pumpkin.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Pets are Evil
Three hours of sleep. Three hours. That's my total from last night.
At 11:00, D and I went to sleep.
At 1:00, I had to pee. My cat tried to follow me back in our room, but I closed the door before he could. If he sleeps with us, he enjoys waking me up at 4:00 with a swipe at my face or a bite. It's lovely.
Between 1 and 2:30, the cat is scratching at the bedroom door to get in. I get up 3 times to yell, throw a ball of socks, and try to get him to go away. Finally, at 2:30, I open the door, he runs in, hides under the bed, and I have to drag him out and toss him in the hallway. By this time, I have completely lost my mind and am so tired that I fear I may be hallucinating. Is the cat even there at all???
At 3:00, my dog begins a nightly ritual of cleaning himself loudly and wetly. I have been asleep for maybe 15 minutes. I kick (not literally, of course) the dog into the hallway.
Between 3:00 and 5:30, I actually sleep.
At 5:30, time to pee again!
At 6:00, the alarm goes off. I drag my quivering, exhausted body out of bed, grab my towel and head into the bathroom. Except, when I open the bedroom door, the smell of dog shit hits me with the force of 1000 mack trucks. Sometime between 5:30 and 6:00, the dog has decided to relieve himself on our dining room rug, rather than hold it for one 1/2 hour more until I get up and let him out.
I spend 20 minutes cleaning up the mess.
At 6:30, I finally get in the shower. And here I am at work an hour later, cold, exhausted, and not thinking clearly. I need sleep! Baby needs me to sleep! D needs to sleep! Ridiculous.
Pets are evil.
At 11:00, D and I went to sleep.
At 1:00, I had to pee. My cat tried to follow me back in our room, but I closed the door before he could. If he sleeps with us, he enjoys waking me up at 4:00 with a swipe at my face or a bite. It's lovely.
Between 1 and 2:30, the cat is scratching at the bedroom door to get in. I get up 3 times to yell, throw a ball of socks, and try to get him to go away. Finally, at 2:30, I open the door, he runs in, hides under the bed, and I have to drag him out and toss him in the hallway. By this time, I have completely lost my mind and am so tired that I fear I may be hallucinating. Is the cat even there at all???
At 3:00, my dog begins a nightly ritual of cleaning himself loudly and wetly. I have been asleep for maybe 15 minutes. I kick (not literally, of course) the dog into the hallway.
Between 3:00 and 5:30, I actually sleep.
At 5:30, time to pee again!
At 6:00, the alarm goes off. I drag my quivering, exhausted body out of bed, grab my towel and head into the bathroom. Except, when I open the bedroom door, the smell of dog shit hits me with the force of 1000 mack trucks. Sometime between 5:30 and 6:00, the dog has decided to relieve himself on our dining room rug, rather than hold it for one 1/2 hour more until I get up and let him out.
I spend 20 minutes cleaning up the mess.
At 6:30, I finally get in the shower. And here I am at work an hour later, cold, exhausted, and not thinking clearly. I need sleep! Baby needs me to sleep! D needs to sleep! Ridiculous.
Pets are evil.
Monday, October 29, 2007
I Officially Hate Maternity Pants
So, I went to Old Navy today and bought myself a pair of size 18 pants. It didn't feel all that great (although they are way too big, so that feels good!), but I'll tell you what it does feel better than - the slimy, icky, stretchy fabric that composes the top of maternity pants. I just can't stand that slimy, polyester-y material sliding all over my stomach. It totally grosses me out. If I have to end up in size 24 jeans, I will just have to do that, because maternity pants are just ooky. Blech.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Bored
ARRRGGH. I cannot wait to leave work. My normal office pal, W, is absent today and I am so lonely without her! We work in a lab that is separated from the rest of the department we work in, and so without W, I am all alone. Good god, I am bored. And starving. This kid is going to have me weighing 300 pounds before he's through with me.
All work and no play make Katie a bored girl.
All work and no play make Katie a bored girl.
All work....
All work and no play make Katie a bored girl.
All work and no play make Katie a bored girl.
All work....
I don't think I'm good with pain...
So, I believe the infamous second trimester headaches have begun. GRR. I had about 5 days of feeling almost normal, and then yesterday I had a splitting headache all day, which necessitated me going to bed at 8:30. Or, more realistically, me falling asleep on the sofa in front of Bones (I love me some David Boreanaz.Yum.), and then stumbling upstairs at 9:30 to fall into bed and hope I awoke headache free.
Alas, I did not.
So here I sit, at my desk at work at 7:30 in the morning (I will explain that momentarily), and my headache is raging. And I am too afraid to take too much Tylenol, even though the midwife said it was ok, because...well, I guess I'm really sort of a hypochondriac, and I don't want anything to happen to Baby. But I HATE headaches. I'm a headache-prone person to begin with, and I am liberal about medication...Advil, Aleve, Excedrin...really, whatever I can lay my hands on and plenty of it. When you're pregnant, you just can't do that.
I don't think I'm good with pain.
In other news, D is now driving me to my research assistant job so that I don't have to pay for parking (which is why I'm here so stinkin' early). Parking in Baltimore is a lot like parking in a swamp - it's hard to get to, it's far away from where you're actually going, there may be man-eating animals around (in this case, rats, not crocs), and your car may or may not be there when you return. In addition, it's very expensive. We figured out we can save over $100 a month, just by having D drive me to work! Crazy talk.
Ah well, parking issues aside, I am actually at work, so I should probably do some!
Alas, I did not.
So here I sit, at my desk at work at 7:30 in the morning (I will explain that momentarily), and my headache is raging. And I am too afraid to take too much Tylenol, even though the midwife said it was ok, because...well, I guess I'm really sort of a hypochondriac, and I don't want anything to happen to Baby. But I HATE headaches. I'm a headache-prone person to begin with, and I am liberal about medication...Advil, Aleve, Excedrin...really, whatever I can lay my hands on and plenty of it. When you're pregnant, you just can't do that.
I don't think I'm good with pain.
In other news, D is now driving me to my research assistant job so that I don't have to pay for parking (which is why I'm here so stinkin' early). Parking in Baltimore is a lot like parking in a swamp - it's hard to get to, it's far away from where you're actually going, there may be man-eating animals around (in this case, rats, not crocs), and your car may or may not be there when you return. In addition, it's very expensive. We figured out we can save over $100 a month, just by having D drive me to work! Crazy talk.
Ah well, parking issues aside, I am actually at work, so I should probably do some!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Dumbledore is...WHAT?
Now, I love a gay character, and I am a gay rights activist, and yes, Dumbledore always did dress a little too well for a straight wizard...but come on, JK, can't you let us interpret the text of the Harry Potter books for ourselves??
Ever since she finished Deathly Hallows, she just can't shut her mouth. And every word that comes out of her mouth makes the books narrower and narrower and less and less interpretable. Books mean something different to each person, and she's not allowing her readers to see things for themselves. She's forcing us to see the characters EXACTLY the way she does...and that's incredibly limiting. Not only that, but I resent her lack of courage in actually making Dumbledore gay. If she had some guts, she would have made him openly gay in the books, instead of waiting until she'd sold all her books and then backpedaling. I am really quickly losing respect for her.
Ok, I am done with my Harry Potter rant for today. I am just bummed out about JK Rowling's verbal diarrhea.
In other news, D and I got new cell phones yesterday! This is very exciting, because we have never had new cell phones. We've had the same ones for over 4 years!! Now, what was funny, was the slimey cell phone salesman (who D commented is the 21st century's used car salesman), trying to talk us into more expensive, fancy phones. He kept making comments like, "I bet you're into gadgets, a smart young man like you," and "Now, Bluetooth is really necessary in this fast-paced world."
And there we are, D in his 10 year old Hendrix shirt from Target and me in my patched jeans and my handtooled purse from the Rennaissance Festival, and we're just smiling. No, we don't like gadgets. We don't even know what Bluetooth is. We just want phones. That call people. Nothing more.
We did finally succeed in getting the free phones that we went there to get, but that guy worked soooo hard to sell us $200 phones that had i-tunes and cameras and probably transformed into a BMW at the touch of a button! The whole experience was hilarious, and just made me and D realize how much we don't care about the things so many people care about. I am happy to have a new phone, don't think I'm that non-materialistic, but all it does is call people. (And it *does* have a camera, because apparently you can't get a phone without one anymore.)
Gotta take S to school. Post tomorrow. : )
Ever since she finished Deathly Hallows, she just can't shut her mouth. And every word that comes out of her mouth makes the books narrower and narrower and less and less interpretable. Books mean something different to each person, and she's not allowing her readers to see things for themselves. She's forcing us to see the characters EXACTLY the way she does...and that's incredibly limiting. Not only that, but I resent her lack of courage in actually making Dumbledore gay. If she had some guts, she would have made him openly gay in the books, instead of waiting until she'd sold all her books and then backpedaling. I am really quickly losing respect for her.
Ok, I am done with my Harry Potter rant for today. I am just bummed out about JK Rowling's verbal diarrhea.
In other news, D and I got new cell phones yesterday! This is very exciting, because we have never had new cell phones. We've had the same ones for over 4 years!! Now, what was funny, was the slimey cell phone salesman (who D commented is the 21st century's used car salesman), trying to talk us into more expensive, fancy phones. He kept making comments like, "I bet you're into gadgets, a smart young man like you," and "Now, Bluetooth is really necessary in this fast-paced world."
And there we are, D in his 10 year old Hendrix shirt from Target and me in my patched jeans and my handtooled purse from the Rennaissance Festival, and we're just smiling. No, we don't like gadgets. We don't even know what Bluetooth is. We just want phones. That call people. Nothing more.
We did finally succeed in getting the free phones that we went there to get, but that guy worked soooo hard to sell us $200 phones that had i-tunes and cameras and probably transformed into a BMW at the touch of a button! The whole experience was hilarious, and just made me and D realize how much we don't care about the things so many people care about. I am happy to have a new phone, don't think I'm that non-materialistic, but all it does is call people. (And it *does* have a camera, because apparently you can't get a phone without one anymore.)
Gotta take S to school. Post tomorrow. : )
Monday, October 22, 2007
Baby's lookin' Human!
Take a look at my little nugget! Baby looks like a baby now! Mama is very excited!
http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-13-weeks_1102.bcCOFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE!!
Miracle of miracles, I am sitting here at my desk drinking a large Donna's coffee. I haven't had a cup of coffee in two months. There was a time when Dan couldn't even brew a pot without me running for the red puke bucket!
But coffee is back on the menu! Coffee, my beloved coffee....this is a good day.
Did I mention I love being out of the first trimester??
But coffee is back on the menu! Coffee, my beloved coffee....this is a good day.
Did I mention I love being out of the first trimester??
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Second Trimester, here I come!
Ah. Finally. I woke up yesterday morning and thought, "What is this strange sensation? Wait...I feel semi-normal! I don't have to burp first thing in the morning! I slept until 9:30 without having to get up and eat something! I'm ba-ack!"
So, we're into week thirteen here at the ole' homestead, and we're feelin' fine. The Ravens lost today, but that was the only blight on an otherwise lovely (and NORMAL) weekend! We spent the day with the in-laws down at the bay shore in Annapolis, D and his dad went fishing and his mom and I sat around and yapped. The breezes were lovely, and we had fun watching the dog playing in the sand. We came home and got to see a good friend who we hadn't seen in a long while, and I actually was able to stay awake until she left, instead of falling asleep on the front porch with my nose in my teacup!
I am soooo all about the 2nd tri - feeling halfway normal again rocks! And it happened so suddenly. One day, I'm burping and crying and can't eat anything but yogurt, and suddenly, I'm gardening and visiting with friends and eating italian cold cut subs. It's awesome!!
My belly is getting rounder and harder. I can't lie on my stomach anymore - it's like having a softball underneath me, pressing into my tummy. My midwife told me that by my next appointment, on November 5th, I'll probably have felt the flutters of the baby moving! So exciting! My mood is so much improved by feeling better, that I can actually feel excited and stuff. It's fantastic.
Well, I will post tomorrow, right now it's time for Sunday Night Football...!
So, we're into week thirteen here at the ole' homestead, and we're feelin' fine. The Ravens lost today, but that was the only blight on an otherwise lovely (and NORMAL) weekend! We spent the day with the in-laws down at the bay shore in Annapolis, D and his dad went fishing and his mom and I sat around and yapped. The breezes were lovely, and we had fun watching the dog playing in the sand. We came home and got to see a good friend who we hadn't seen in a long while, and I actually was able to stay awake until she left, instead of falling asleep on the front porch with my nose in my teacup!
I am soooo all about the 2nd tri - feeling halfway normal again rocks! And it happened so suddenly. One day, I'm burping and crying and can't eat anything but yogurt, and suddenly, I'm gardening and visiting with friends and eating italian cold cut subs. It's awesome!!
My belly is getting rounder and harder. I can't lie on my stomach anymore - it's like having a softball underneath me, pressing into my tummy. My midwife told me that by my next appointment, on November 5th, I'll probably have felt the flutters of the baby moving! So exciting! My mood is so much improved by feeling better, that I can actually feel excited and stuff. It's fantastic.
Well, I will post tomorrow, right now it's time for Sunday Night Football...!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Happy Potato
I have this card hanging up in my den. It's a cheap card from Barnes and Noble, purchased on a whim one night while downing overpriced coffee (when I could still stand it) with my best pal. No one but me thinks it is funny, or clever, but I really find it kind of inspiring, and amusing. It makes me laugh every time I look at it!
I don't know what it is about that little potato. He just makes me smile.
I guess that's how I want to live. It's so hard sometimes to find your joy, especially with money so tight, and aching back and pregnancy yuckies, and two jobs I can't stand...
I try really hard, but sometimes I just can't. I want to be that potato, dancing on the sand. Happy. Content with his life. Joyful.
I don't know what it is about that little potato. He just makes me smile.
I guess that's how I want to live. It's so hard sometimes to find your joy, especially with money so tight, and aching back and pregnancy yuckies, and two jobs I can't stand...
I try really hard, but sometimes I just can't. I want to be that potato, dancing on the sand. Happy. Content with his life. Joyful.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Me and my dear doggie. Poor guy. I can't stand to be this close to him anymore! He loves kids, though. I think he will love Baby very much!
Dear Hubby, playing with his "girlfriend", as we have dubbed the guitar.
The best moment of 2007 for me, until we got the positive pregnancy test. It's pretty much a tie, now. : )
Looking at the World Through the Eyes of a Fig
Just read that Maryland's illustrious governor, who we all voted for because he was so liberal, has basically given the middle finger to the Humane Society's plea to end black bear hunting in Maryland. Politicians are disgusting.
For those of you not from MD, Martin O'Malley was elected mayor of Baltimore 6 years ago, and immediately became the most celebrated mayor since Donald Schaefer, who is a local legend. O'Malley swept through City Hall, cutting costs and reforming city government...and he tricked us all into thinking he was a real great guy with real liberal ideas. HA.
Fast forward to his being elected governor. He immediately says he doesn't support gay marriage, proceeds to raise taxes for no real reason, and now this horrible black bear hunting issue. He has betrayed every person that cast a vote for him...and the worst part is, he'll get away with it, cause that's the kind of political system we live in.
I have always been a political person, but with this little nugget growing inside me, I am really beginning to wonder if this is the kind of world, country, state, I want my kids to live in. Sheep farming in northern England seems very appealing. Just getting away from it all...
But that's not the world I want my kids to live in, either. I want them to feel like they can make a difference, like they have a voice and power, and that it's their right to make the world a better, kinder, more free place to live. And I don't mean free in a "Merca", George Bush kind of way!
My mother was taking me to political rallies when I was still in a stroller, and I plan to do the same. I remember pulling the levers in the voting booths with her, and listening to her talk politics with her friends. That's important stuff. It's important to feel like you are part of the world, and you have a responsibility to it. I want my kids to have that feeling.
Of course, I also want them to have a place to safely ride their bikes, and a yard to play in, and a good school to attend. Ack. There is so much that influences the way children grow up, and how they turn out. I want them to have city experiences like I did, and also have more green space around them than I did. I want them to be happy and be politically and ethically aware. I want so much for this little fig-sized nugget, swishing around in there, growing his little fingers and his little mind...
I never considered how much I would love my child before he was even here, and how much I would want the world to be a good place for him to be, and to grow. Things are very different once you see that little plus sign. The world starts to look different. Your life starts to look different.
That little fig in there really makes you question things you never did before. Like where you should live and why the world sucks so much. Stupid Martin O'Malley and his bear hunting just bummed me and the little fig right out.
For those of you not from MD, Martin O'Malley was elected mayor of Baltimore 6 years ago, and immediately became the most celebrated mayor since Donald Schaefer, who is a local legend. O'Malley swept through City Hall, cutting costs and reforming city government...and he tricked us all into thinking he was a real great guy with real liberal ideas. HA.
Fast forward to his being elected governor. He immediately says he doesn't support gay marriage, proceeds to raise taxes for no real reason, and now this horrible black bear hunting issue. He has betrayed every person that cast a vote for him...and the worst part is, he'll get away with it, cause that's the kind of political system we live in.
I have always been a political person, but with this little nugget growing inside me, I am really beginning to wonder if this is the kind of world, country, state, I want my kids to live in. Sheep farming in northern England seems very appealing. Just getting away from it all...
But that's not the world I want my kids to live in, either. I want them to feel like they can make a difference, like they have a voice and power, and that it's their right to make the world a better, kinder, more free place to live. And I don't mean free in a "Merca", George Bush kind of way!
My mother was taking me to political rallies when I was still in a stroller, and I plan to do the same. I remember pulling the levers in the voting booths with her, and listening to her talk politics with her friends. That's important stuff. It's important to feel like you are part of the world, and you have a responsibility to it. I want my kids to have that feeling.
Of course, I also want them to have a place to safely ride their bikes, and a yard to play in, and a good school to attend. Ack. There is so much that influences the way children grow up, and how they turn out. I want them to have city experiences like I did, and also have more green space around them than I did. I want them to be happy and be politically and ethically aware. I want so much for this little fig-sized nugget, swishing around in there, growing his little fingers and his little mind...
I never considered how much I would love my child before he was even here, and how much I would want the world to be a good place for him to be, and to grow. Things are very different once you see that little plus sign. The world starts to look different. Your life starts to look different.
That little fig in there really makes you question things you never did before. Like where you should live and why the world sucks so much. Stupid Martin O'Malley and his bear hunting just bummed me and the little fig right out.
Panera Bread Hates Me
So, I am now officially the pariah at the Parkville Panera Bread.
I took my little charge, we'll call him "N", to Panera this morning to get bagels after we dropped his brother (S) off at school. Now, this is something we regularly do, and he's usually very well behaved and he enjoys it. Some days, he asks, "Bagels? Bagels?", trying to get me to take him there. This morning, he decided Panera was NOT the place for him.
Did I mention that he's 2?
So, he wants to "Wait for Katie outside.", as he put it. Yes, N, I am going to let a 2 year old child sit on the sidewalk in a parking lot while I get bagels and coffee. Yes, of course, how silly of me to think you should have to wait with me! So, after telling him no several times, he made a break for the doors, and I picked him up and told him he's have to be held if he wouldn't stay with me. This is the point at which things got ugly.
Did I mention that he's 2?
Ear-piercing, skull-splitting shieking begins, along with kicking his pregnant nanny in her stomach and smacking me in the face, all while yelling, "Help, help!" in between the shrieking. Ah, 2 year olds. So, I took him outside, sat him down for a time out against the building, and explained how unacceptable this behavior was. Meanwhile, as he is quietly crying and calming down and I am trying to calm down myself, this lovely old lady comes up and decides to explain to me exactly what I did wrong and how the tantrum could have been prevented.
I did not bother to explain to her that this kid has a shrieking tantrum if his yogurt is the wrong flavor, or I ask him to please clean up the Play-Doh that he has rubbed into the playroom floor. I thanked her for the advice and attempted to tell myself that she was only trying to help.
Meanwhile, N had calmed down, so we returned to Panera and proceeded to order our bagels and made it back to the car without further incident. I ignored the stares of the other patrons, the clicking tongues and murmers of, "Why didn't she just leave??", and took my asiago cheese bagel to GO.
However, this little episode exhausted me so much that I felt like I could go home and take a long nap! And now, I'm worrying that his kicking me has somehow damaged Baby. I know that's silly, considering that some people get in car accidents and stuff and their babies are ok, but I am such a worrywart!
Other than that, I suppose the morning has been without incident. I am still starving to death all the time and packing on the pounds, and fighting indigestion constantly, but I know it's all worth it. I can't wait until April 1st, when I won't be working anymore, and I can spend the last three weeks of the pregnancy at home, nesting and getting ready to welcome him/her!
Speaking of sex, our 20 week sonogram will probably be in early December! That will be such a great Christmas gift, to know what sex the baby is! I can't wait!
I took my little charge, we'll call him "N", to Panera this morning to get bagels after we dropped his brother (S) off at school. Now, this is something we regularly do, and he's usually very well behaved and he enjoys it. Some days, he asks, "Bagels? Bagels?", trying to get me to take him there. This morning, he decided Panera was NOT the place for him.
Did I mention that he's 2?
So, he wants to "Wait for Katie outside.", as he put it. Yes, N, I am going to let a 2 year old child sit on the sidewalk in a parking lot while I get bagels and coffee. Yes, of course, how silly of me to think you should have to wait with me! So, after telling him no several times, he made a break for the doors, and I picked him up and told him he's have to be held if he wouldn't stay with me. This is the point at which things got ugly.
Did I mention that he's 2?
Ear-piercing, skull-splitting shieking begins, along with kicking his pregnant nanny in her stomach and smacking me in the face, all while yelling, "Help, help!" in between the shrieking. Ah, 2 year olds. So, I took him outside, sat him down for a time out against the building, and explained how unacceptable this behavior was. Meanwhile, as he is quietly crying and calming down and I am trying to calm down myself, this lovely old lady comes up and decides to explain to me exactly what I did wrong and how the tantrum could have been prevented.
I did not bother to explain to her that this kid has a shrieking tantrum if his yogurt is the wrong flavor, or I ask him to please clean up the Play-Doh that he has rubbed into the playroom floor. I thanked her for the advice and attempted to tell myself that she was only trying to help.
Meanwhile, N had calmed down, so we returned to Panera and proceeded to order our bagels and made it back to the car without further incident. I ignored the stares of the other patrons, the clicking tongues and murmers of, "Why didn't she just leave??", and took my asiago cheese bagel to GO.
However, this little episode exhausted me so much that I felt like I could go home and take a long nap! And now, I'm worrying that his kicking me has somehow damaged Baby. I know that's silly, considering that some people get in car accidents and stuff and their babies are ok, but I am such a worrywart!
Other than that, I suppose the morning has been without incident. I am still starving to death all the time and packing on the pounds, and fighting indigestion constantly, but I know it's all worth it. I can't wait until April 1st, when I won't be working anymore, and I can spend the last three weeks of the pregnancy at home, nesting and getting ready to welcome him/her!
Speaking of sex, our 20 week sonogram will probably be in early December! That will be such a great Christmas gift, to know what sex the baby is! I can't wait!
Monday, October 15, 2007
The Beginning
So, blogging is something I never thought I would do. I am much more of a pen and journal kind of girl, but lately, being so tired and everything, somehow this seems easier. Also, I have to admit that the idea of keeping a public record of this whole process of being pregnant for the first time, and becoming a Mama...it's a neat keepsake.
So, the backstory. My husband and I just got married in February. We honeymooned in the UK, came home to start our married life, and on August 14th, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant. Now, I love children and I have been a nanny for almost 5 years, putting myself through school, so I have wanted kids for a while. But we were pretty shocked.
I immediately started freaking out about health care (we had none), and what I could eat, and how I was feeling...cause I'm like that. I'm pretty much a hypochondriac. D. started freaking out about money and work, and what we were going to do about $$ once Baby was born. So, we were both freaking out and feeling very stressed, and then I started feeling like complete s**t. Indigestion, heartburn, nausea, migraines, weakness, fatigue...every first trimester syptom in the books, I've had it. My life (and D's) went from 60 to 0 in about one week.
Pretty tough stuff, at that point. We were worried, depressed, lonely, and I had to carry a red plastic bucket with me around the house, in case I puked. Then the SMELLS started. At first, just coffee and cigarettes made me want to barf. Then, my poor wonderful dog who I adore - I couldn't get within 5 feet of him for at least a month. Everything stank. And I mean STANK. I could barely stand the smell of my own house, of my own car, of my own pee.
Meanwhile, we were desperately searching for health care. I was so sure that there was something terribly wrong with Baby, cause that's how I do, and we desperately wanted to get to an OB...but when you don't have healthcare in this stinkin' country, you're pretty much up the creek. Finally, after a hundred phone calls, two failed appoinments, and the idea of delivering the baby in the living room suddenly seeming like the only available option, we found a great practice that accepts people with no insurance and doesn't charge us an arm and a leg. Our nurse-midwife there is fantastic, and she's a great calming force for our craziness.
The first appointment was amazing for us, as we got to hear Baby's heart beating. That was an incredible moment. D., who had been much more practical and much less emotional, even teared up. Hearing that little heart chugging away was reassuring, exhilarating, and terrifying. Now I was even more worried. Now, I really knew there was a baby in there, and I needed to protect him against anything and everything. Everything was suddenly my enemy! My cat kneading my stomach, the man with the pointy umbrella in front of me on the sidewalk, the strange smells at the hospital where I work part-time, picking up the boys I nanny for...all these things were threats to Baby and had to be neutralized.
The last few weeks have been slightly better, as we finally have health care in place, my 1st tri. symptoms are subsiding, and we've actually been able to go OUT on the weekends. I finally made it to the Maryland Renaissance Festival, to which I usually go many times a season, and we got to go out and get pumpkins and apples at a local market, so that was fun. I think things are starting to relax a bit.
***
Appointment number 2. The reality of actually having a baby is setting in. After all these years of nannying, I figured I would be totally prepared and totally calm...but I definitely am not.
I guess alot of it is that this is MY child. Yes, I know a lot about how to care for kids (generic), but I haven't ever raised any of my charges the way I want this, MY, child raised. I am finding I have opinions about things like circumcision and immunizations - things I have never had to think about for someone ELSES's child.
But, the joy of Baby is setting in, now that I am nearing the time when I can worry less about miscarriage. I think the second tri will be good to me.
So, the backstory. My husband and I just got married in February. We honeymooned in the UK, came home to start our married life, and on August 14th, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant. Now, I love children and I have been a nanny for almost 5 years, putting myself through school, so I have wanted kids for a while. But we were pretty shocked.
I immediately started freaking out about health care (we had none), and what I could eat, and how I was feeling...cause I'm like that. I'm pretty much a hypochondriac. D. started freaking out about money and work, and what we were going to do about $$ once Baby was born. So, we were both freaking out and feeling very stressed, and then I started feeling like complete s**t. Indigestion, heartburn, nausea, migraines, weakness, fatigue...every first trimester syptom in the books, I've had it. My life (and D's) went from 60 to 0 in about one week.
Pretty tough stuff, at that point. We were worried, depressed, lonely, and I had to carry a red plastic bucket with me around the house, in case I puked. Then the SMELLS started. At first, just coffee and cigarettes made me want to barf. Then, my poor wonderful dog who I adore - I couldn't get within 5 feet of him for at least a month. Everything stank. And I mean STANK. I could barely stand the smell of my own house, of my own car, of my own pee.
Meanwhile, we were desperately searching for health care. I was so sure that there was something terribly wrong with Baby, cause that's how I do, and we desperately wanted to get to an OB...but when you don't have healthcare in this stinkin' country, you're pretty much up the creek. Finally, after a hundred phone calls, two failed appoinments, and the idea of delivering the baby in the living room suddenly seeming like the only available option, we found a great practice that accepts people with no insurance and doesn't charge us an arm and a leg. Our nurse-midwife there is fantastic, and she's a great calming force for our craziness.
The first appointment was amazing for us, as we got to hear Baby's heart beating. That was an incredible moment. D., who had been much more practical and much less emotional, even teared up. Hearing that little heart chugging away was reassuring, exhilarating, and terrifying. Now I was even more worried. Now, I really knew there was a baby in there, and I needed to protect him against anything and everything. Everything was suddenly my enemy! My cat kneading my stomach, the man with the pointy umbrella in front of me on the sidewalk, the strange smells at the hospital where I work part-time, picking up the boys I nanny for...all these things were threats to Baby and had to be neutralized.
The last few weeks have been slightly better, as we finally have health care in place, my 1st tri. symptoms are subsiding, and we've actually been able to go OUT on the weekends. I finally made it to the Maryland Renaissance Festival, to which I usually go many times a season, and we got to go out and get pumpkins and apples at a local market, so that was fun. I think things are starting to relax a bit.
***
Appointment number 2. The reality of actually having a baby is setting in. After all these years of nannying, I figured I would be totally prepared and totally calm...but I definitely am not.
I guess alot of it is that this is MY child. Yes, I know a lot about how to care for kids (generic), but I haven't ever raised any of my charges the way I want this, MY, child raised. I am finding I have opinions about things like circumcision and immunizations - things I have never had to think about for someone ELSES's child.
But, the joy of Baby is setting in, now that I am nearing the time when I can worry less about miscarriage. I think the second tri will be good to me.
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