I have always hated waiting for things. I was the kid that got up at 4 am on Christmas. I was the teenager that went to the teacher after the test and asked her to grade mine first. I am the adult who would rather go hungry than sit in a long drive-thru line at Taco Bell.
So, waiting for my precious daughter to be born is hard enough (of course, I don't want her coming early!!), but now I am waiting to hear from University of Maryland regarding my graduate application...and I think that's going to break me.
I know they're looking at my application, because it's closed and I am not allowed to submit anything else. So, what's taking so long, already???!?!? I submitted all my materials back in July! I finished my GRE's, got all my letters of recommendation, wrote my dumb "I want to go to College Park because..." essay...and then was informed that I had to wait until the deadline for applications had passed before they looked at mine. When is that, I asked innocently. December 17th, she said. I nearly dropped the phone! Six months! I have to wait six months?!?
So, then we got pregnant, and it seemed ok to wait, because I've had other things on my mind! But now that the deadline has passed, I am just dying to know what the result is. I cannot wait to hear, especially because then I can get my student loans, man! I want my monies.
Ack.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Worries
I never realized how much worry you could have for someone you've never met.
We've had a rollercoaster of a month. On December 10th, during a normal OB visit to our midwife, she thought she felt my cervix opening. She put me on bedrest and scheduled me for an internal ultrasound to look at my cervix. We went home thinking we were going to lose our precious girl at only 21 weeks. We laid in bed and cried all night. Our whole world had come crashing down.
The next morning, we went to the high risk center at our hospital, where I got both an external and an internal ultrasound. The technician measured our girl and my amniotic fluid, which were both perfect. She then checked my cervix...and actually used the word "gorgeous" tot describe it. Dan and I thought that was pretty funny, after we were finished hugging her and crying with joy! She said everything was fine, and she wasn't sure what our midwife thought she felt.
Hmmm....so this, while joyful and glorious news, put us into a semi-permanent state of disbelieving everything that medical personnel tells us. We were very irritated with our midwife, and I questioned her about why she thought my cervix was open. It turns out that my cervix, like the rest of me, is a little quirky, and it actually is open at the bottom, which is highly unusual for someone who's never given birth before. Of course, it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem, and obviously, everything else is fine.
I am having another ultrasound on January 4th to make sure nothing has changed. I think I'll feel better after we have that. I have been taking it really easy, and trying to not stress myself.
Then, after weeks of major activity from the girl, she slowed down a lot a couple days ago. I barely felt her moving for a whole day, after weeks of being kicked to death at regular intervals. Of course, with my nerves already raw from the cervix thing...I spent an hour yesterday morning crying my eyes out and apologizing to D for being crazy, and trying to decide if we should go to the emergency room. Finally, it was decided I would go to work, call the midwife, and if she thought we should go in to the hospital to get checked, then we would. I called her, and she assured me that everything was ok, and at this stage of the pregnancy, it's normal to feel a lot of movement one day and none the next. My girl is small enough that she has plenty of room in there to change position and be somewhere where I can't feel her.
I still spent yesterday worrying and waiting to feel her again...which I did eventually, the little stinker. We also finally got the fetal doppler I have been waiting for, and last night, we heard her perfect 146 bpm heartbeat. That was music to my ears. I laid on the sofa for a good twenty minutes, following her around with the doppler and listening to her gorgeous heart beating in there. Very reassuring.
I am still shocked by how much I love someone I have never met. How the feel of her moving in my stomach fills my heart. How the sight of her ultrasound pictures makes me so proud of my little girl. She's already the most important person in my life, and she weighs less than two pounds!
Anyway, Happy Holidays! D and I already have the best gift we could ever get - a healthy little girl. We can't open our gift until April...but I am happy to wait. : )
We've had a rollercoaster of a month. On December 10th, during a normal OB visit to our midwife, she thought she felt my cervix opening. She put me on bedrest and scheduled me for an internal ultrasound to look at my cervix. We went home thinking we were going to lose our precious girl at only 21 weeks. We laid in bed and cried all night. Our whole world had come crashing down.
The next morning, we went to the high risk center at our hospital, where I got both an external and an internal ultrasound. The technician measured our girl and my amniotic fluid, which were both perfect. She then checked my cervix...and actually used the word "gorgeous" tot describe it. Dan and I thought that was pretty funny, after we were finished hugging her and crying with joy! She said everything was fine, and she wasn't sure what our midwife thought she felt.
Hmmm....so this, while joyful and glorious news, put us into a semi-permanent state of disbelieving everything that medical personnel tells us. We were very irritated with our midwife, and I questioned her about why she thought my cervix was open. It turns out that my cervix, like the rest of me, is a little quirky, and it actually is open at the bottom, which is highly unusual for someone who's never given birth before. Of course, it doesn't necessarily indicate a problem, and obviously, everything else is fine.
I am having another ultrasound on January 4th to make sure nothing has changed. I think I'll feel better after we have that. I have been taking it really easy, and trying to not stress myself.
Then, after weeks of major activity from the girl, she slowed down a lot a couple days ago. I barely felt her moving for a whole day, after weeks of being kicked to death at regular intervals. Of course, with my nerves already raw from the cervix thing...I spent an hour yesterday morning crying my eyes out and apologizing to D for being crazy, and trying to decide if we should go to the emergency room. Finally, it was decided I would go to work, call the midwife, and if she thought we should go in to the hospital to get checked, then we would. I called her, and she assured me that everything was ok, and at this stage of the pregnancy, it's normal to feel a lot of movement one day and none the next. My girl is small enough that she has plenty of room in there to change position and be somewhere where I can't feel her.
I still spent yesterday worrying and waiting to feel her again...which I did eventually, the little stinker. We also finally got the fetal doppler I have been waiting for, and last night, we heard her perfect 146 bpm heartbeat. That was music to my ears. I laid on the sofa for a good twenty minutes, following her around with the doppler and listening to her gorgeous heart beating in there. Very reassuring.
I am still shocked by how much I love someone I have never met. How the feel of her moving in my stomach fills my heart. How the sight of her ultrasound pictures makes me so proud of my little girl. She's already the most important person in my life, and she weighs less than two pounds!
Anyway, Happy Holidays! D and I already have the best gift we could ever get - a healthy little girl. We can't open our gift until April...but I am happy to wait. : )
Monday, December 10, 2007
IT'S A GIRL!!!!
I can't believe it's been a month since I've posted. It's been busy, I guess...
So, it's a girl! She was id'd as such by the meanest ultrasound tech on the planet last Wednesday. Seeing her was amazing. The minute Miss Meanie (I will elaborate later) put the ultrasound thing to my belly, we saw her face. It was the most incredible moment of my life. There was no other moment, not even my wedding, where time just stopped. I could have looked at her face forever.
She's a squirmy little bugger - she was rolling all over the place, sucking her thumb, kicking and punching me. It was so reassuring to see all that movement.
However, I have to say that Miss Meanie did not make the experience more enjoyable. She jabbed the ultrasound device into my stomach so hard that I had bruises, and she barked out the baby's body parts like a drill sargeant. "Arm! Leg! Girl!" She was uber unpleasant, and when I called the center the next day to ask about the bruising...they basically told me that because I have a "thick abdominal wall", she had to push really hard. Basically - "You're fat, so it's your fault we bruised you." Nice. Really nice.
All that aside, however, it was still incredible to see my baby for the first time, and to know that she's a girl...we went right out a got some gender-specific stuff, just because we could!
It also makes her much more real. We can call her by her name, I can envision the little person who's rumbling around in there, and I can picture my little girl now...not some weird genderless child! It's pretty awesome.
We've also hit the halfway point. We have fewer weeks ahead than we do behind, and I am so excited about finally seeing her little face in person. Of course, I want her to stay in there until she's all baked. No early arrivals, please. But it's going to be a long 19 weeks.
So, it's a girl! She was id'd as such by the meanest ultrasound tech on the planet last Wednesday. Seeing her was amazing. The minute Miss Meanie (I will elaborate later) put the ultrasound thing to my belly, we saw her face. It was the most incredible moment of my life. There was no other moment, not even my wedding, where time just stopped. I could have looked at her face forever.
She's a squirmy little bugger - she was rolling all over the place, sucking her thumb, kicking and punching me. It was so reassuring to see all that movement.
However, I have to say that Miss Meanie did not make the experience more enjoyable. She jabbed the ultrasound device into my stomach so hard that I had bruises, and she barked out the baby's body parts like a drill sargeant. "Arm! Leg! Girl!" She was uber unpleasant, and when I called the center the next day to ask about the bruising...they basically told me that because I have a "thick abdominal wall", she had to push really hard. Basically - "You're fat, so it's your fault we bruised you." Nice. Really nice.
All that aside, however, it was still incredible to see my baby for the first time, and to know that she's a girl...we went right out a got some gender-specific stuff, just because we could!
It also makes her much more real. We can call her by her name, I can envision the little person who's rumbling around in there, and I can picture my little girl now...not some weird genderless child! It's pretty awesome.
We've also hit the halfway point. We have fewer weeks ahead than we do behind, and I am so excited about finally seeing her little face in person. Of course, I want her to stay in there until she's all baked. No early arrivals, please. But it's going to be a long 19 weeks.
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